Alec Baldwin, well known actor on the stage, in movies and on television (and current star of 30 Rock), sees himself first and foremost as a father. In his recent memoir, A Promise to Ourselves, Baldwin writes about the excruciating story of his marriage to and divorce from actress Kim Basinger and his subsequent custody battle over his daughter, Ireland.
The marriage of Kim Basinger and Alec Baldwin was one of Hollywood's favorite topics. Both award winning actors, their storybook wedding and 10-year long marriage were at one time hailed as one of the entertainment world's most secure. But as the marriage eventually unraveled, the divorce also became one of Hollywood's most bitter. Both Baldwin and Basinger have been vilified over the conduct each exhibited during the spectacular divorce proceedings, including Baldwin's inexcusable ranting and raving on a recorded cell phone message to Ireland. But, as you will read in A Promise to Ourselves, Baldwin shares the incredible pressure and frustration at the family court system in California which culminated in that well-publicized outburst.
A Promise to Ourselves has to be one of the most discouraging books I have read on any issue relating to fathering or divorce. The blow-by-blow account of the legal proceedings and the toll they took on Baldwin's relationship with his daughter seems almost unbelievable; and it is perhaps to someone who has not been through a similar situation. But I have seen this incredibly wearing process duplicated in some fashion in the lives of so many fathers, most of whom will relate well to the Baldwin story. In the book, Baldwin describes the experience as being chained to a pickup truck and dragged down a gravel road, physically and emotionally – an apt description with which many divorced fathers can identify.
Of particular pain to fathers in custody proceedings is the issue of parental alienation -- a deliberate attempt to drive wedges between a child and a parent by the other parent to get an advantage in the legal proceedings. Baldwin experienced parental alienation in all its fury in his case. The descriptions of what happened to create that sentiment are deeply troubling, but again replicated so frequently in our society.
A Promise to Ourselves is at once a difficult memoir as well as a call to arms to reform the family law system in the United States -- to restore balance to the rights of mothers, fathers and children, and to prevent circumstances like Baldwin's and Basinger's scorched earth, zero sum divorce game. It is an important book for any father dealing with a custody issue and the work and commitment that is necessary to get through such an experience with relationships between fathers and children intact.
