One of the bigger challenges of interfaith holiday decisions is dealing with single faith in laws and families. After all, who could blame Jewish grandparents for wanting to pass on the traditions and holy days of their faith to their grandchildren? And what about family traditions around Christmas caroling? These are really tough and can be emotional times. Here are a few recommendations:
- Set boundaries and stay firm. While this is difficult, it is essential. Your own family (your partner, you and your children) has to come first. In nearly any culture, the marriage vows include some variation of "cleaving to your spouse and none else." Whatever you and your partner agree to in terms of the holiday celebrations must be respected by your extended families. While you should take this into account in your early decision, whatever is decided is final. You must be prepared to abandon some things to achieve others. Inform your families early as to the things in which you will participate and those in which you will not. And don't give in under pressure. It is your family and your decision.
- Emphasize that the kids come first.Remind your family members that the holidays are a time of peace and harmony first and foremost and that this positive "holiday experience" is what is paramount. The kids will suffer most if the boundaries are not kept.
- Always take the high road.If there is bickering, "guilt trips" and the like, don't get pulled into the negativity. Stay positive, firm and loving. If you get into little wars and battles, they only bring heartache later on.
Jenny and Sam are facing an enormous challenge, but certainly not one they did not expect when they created this interfaith family. With love, patience, a willingness to work through differences and lots of communication, it is possible to honor varying traditions during the holidays.
