There have been many empirical studies focusing on the effects of divorce on children. Some of the common findings among all of these studies are detailed in this article.
Why Children are Impacted by Divorce
Some fathers and mothers see divorce as "their" issue. "We just can't get along anymore" or "She has been unfaithful." In fact, the marital relationship has far reaching ramifications for children, extended families, friends and others. The following are some perspectives on the view of children in a divorcing family.
- Fear of Change. The children in a divorcing family know that nothing will ever be the same again, and their previously secure world is in a state of change. Many things will change, not just that mother or dad will not be around. They may lost contact with extended family on one side or the other. Their bedtime, mealtime and after school routines may change. It is a state of upheaval.
- Fear of Being Abandoned. When mom and dad are at odds and are either separated or considering separation, children have a realistic fear that if they lose one parent, they may lose the other. The concept of being alone in the world is a very frightening thing for a child.
- Losing Attachment. Children who have a natural attachment for their parents also fear losing other secure relationships-friends, pets, siblings, neighbors, and so on. Sometimes children are simply attached to their surroundings, and moving into new surroundings can cause an understandable negative reaction.
- Coping with Parental Tension. Even though many divorces follow years of tension between husband and wife, the tension level typically increases during and shortly after a divorce. And parents who try to turn their children against the other spouse create an absolutely impossible situation for that child.
