Boundaries Why Are They Needed?

What is a parent to do? Many times we hinder our children from developing boundaries. Realize we must teach our children boundaries; they are not born with them. Here are a few suggestions to help develop boundaries.

1. Recognize and respect the child’s boundaries. For example, knock on their closed bedroom door instead of just walking in.
2. Set our own boundaries and have consequences for crossing them.
3. Avoid controlling the child.
4. Give two choices; this helps our children learn decision-making skills.
5. When you recognize that boundaries need to be set. Do it clearly, do it without anger, and use as few words as possible.
6. We need to say what hurts us and what feels good.
7. It may be difficult to set a boundary. You may feel afraid, ashamed, or nervous, that’s okay, do it any ways.

Another way to work with boundaries and children is to model these for our children.

1. Recognize your physical boundaries.
2. You have the right to request proper treatment, for example, poorly prepared meals in a restaurant should be sent back, ask others to smoke away from your space, and ask that loud music be turned down.
3. Share your opinions with your children. Allow your children their opinions. Opinions are not right or wrong. This will help them think for themselves.
4. Teach them how you decide on the choices you make.
5. Lets own what we do and what we don’t do. Take responsibility for when things go wrong.
6. Accept your thoughts, it is who you are.
7. Discover what your limits are, emotional and physical.

Setting boundaries is all about taking care of ourselves. This is the first guideline we teach in our workshops. Other benefits include:

1. We will learn to value, trust, and listen to ourselves.
2. Boundaries are also the key to having a loving relationship.
3. Boundaries will help us with our personal growth.
4. We will learn to listen to ourselves (trusting our intuition). We also will learn to respect and care for others and ourselves.
5. Boundaries will aid us in the workplace.

Boundaries are all about freedom and recognizing when these freedoms have been crossed. Boundaries give us a framework in which to negotiate life events. Recognizing and acting when our boundaries have been crossed will protect our freedom. Boundaries lead to winning relationships for both parties. By building foundations based on mutual trust, love, and respect we can expect our children to grow up more tolerant and with a mature character. Simply put, boundaries simplify life.

Derek and Gail Randel have customized programs for corporations, schools, and parent groups for putting the fun back into parenting so you can enjoy your children. Sign up for their free parenting newsletter. They can be reached at Parent Smart from the Heart 1-866-89-SMART, www.parentsmartfromtheheart.com.