What happened to cause the divorce?
I work a lot and after four kids and a big family, we moved back to New York City. My wife began seeing her old flames and she had a affair with a man that ripped our family apart. Then she came back crying and started over. Three years later she started going out with her old boyfriend Charles. She explained to me she didn't want to be married and she wanted space. She wanted Charles and now she's gone. I live on my friend's couch and my girls are devastated. I am still burdened with all the finances - auto insurance, child care, etc. She's living her teen years over - extra sexy skirts, dresses, etc. She looks at me with dead eyes. After 17 years, it's a shame.
How did you personally cope with the divorce?
I ran and got into shape. I stayed with a childhood friend who was my life manager. He feeds me and feeds my ego. His wife was so understanding; they really helped me understand what happened to me. It's a process. I really wish it didn't happen but it did. I started Facebook account and it helps me describe the way I feel. I lost forty pounds this summer. I am looking fit and my kids are happy with my progress. I want a new life and this pain drives me to it. It is my rocket fuel ..old friends and co-workers notice. Yesterday I was jogging and I stopped on the bridge and threw my wedding ring over the bridge. She's gone and I am here. I will be better for my God, for my kids, and for myself.
Lessons Learned
- Shut up early - the less you say the better.
- The more you are hur,t the more they enjoy your pain
- Don't ask questions you don't want to hear the answer to
- This person looks like your ex but they are not. Don't dream; stay grounded in reality. This is happening - deal with it. Rub this pain into your chest like medicine.
What was your experience with legal process?
Our divorce was uncontested so the legal process was not involved.
What was the outcome of the divorce proceeding?
An uncontested divorce.
How is it going now?
It hurts to know he touches her and that she loves him after two months. I have good days and bad days; this morning started out good, and we'l lsee how it goes. I smile and say things like "be careful," and "have a nice day." She looks like one of those demons in Al Pacino's movie Devil's Advocate.
