1. Parenting

Derricks' Story About Surviving

Share Your Story: How I Survived My Divorce

By Derrick

Derricks' Story About Surviving

Hardest part is losing the family togetherness.

What happened to cause the divorce?

I did not want the divorce and never have. But love does not conquer all. It didn't help that I was selfish and emotionally abusive and being military didn't either. Instead of going to counseling or anything at all to help restore the love we had, she rushed to the decision of divorce, her motivating factor was the man who was supposed to be our friend and falling in lust with him, which she felt was true love. We promised each other in our vows that we would get through anything together no matter what. I feel betrayed for having believed this. In the end, she was selfish and it hurts that our kids and family suffer.

How did you personally cope with the divorce?

I completely fell apart, cried uncontrollably, begged her to stop and come home. In the end it only messed things up more. I sought counseling and still go, which helps. Also I rely on God and have become closer to him. I have found a certain peace with myself, knowing that I did everything I could. I tried and she will never be able to truthfully say the same. I have a clear conscience and can wake up in the morning without regret for that fact. I am not 100% and probably never will be. It is hard knowing that my children's lives will never be the same. It is hard to bite my tongue at times when it comes to my ex, especially when she believes she did something great and that her new boyfriend is a better role model for our kids. But I will swallow my pride, because I know the truth and I also know that one day our kids will too. My ex and her boyfriend chose this Karma train and one day I will get to watch it derail. I am grateful that she does care about our children and always has taken great care of them and we got joint custody 50/50. I am strong for my kids and my best days are with them, knowing they are safe and have the right role model in me. They are my driving factor in life.

Lessons Learned

  • I have learned what love is and what it isn't
  • I know exactly who I am
  • The only person in this world you can fully trust is yourself
  • Happiness isn't what you have, but who

What was your experience with legal process?

It is definitely a broken system and very much biased. If there was justice at all, the spouse who decides to forever break the marriage vows and cut and run, especially when infidelity is involved, should have no right to anything. Their sense of self-entitlement shows a lack of morality

What was the outcome of the divorce proceeding?

Joint custody--50/50--one week alternating between their mom and me, at least until she moves away with the man she left me for when he gets restationed, then it's summers and holidays for me.

How is it going now?

It is better everyday. The weeks I have my kids are the best weeks. When I don't it is up and down emotionally. It is still hard to swallow that my kids have to be around the man that was the ultimate deciding factor on the finalization of her decision to divorce.

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