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Bart's Story About Divorce and Self-Care

Share Your Story: How I Survived My Divorce

By bart

What happened to cause the divorce?

I started to drink way too much. I guess I was unhappy and used the alcohol as a crutch. My wife gave me several warnings and I didn't want to listen. I am now very much regretting my bad decisions. My wife has since remarried, and has moved on with her life. I was lucky, and did get joint custody of my kids; otherwise I don`t know where I would be. I only wish I could turn back the clock, and have another chance. Of course this is not an option, and I now have to live with my choices. I have tried dating, but after 3 years, I can`t seem to shake my depressed state. I hope that I will eventually be OK, and start anew.

How did you personally cope with the divorce?

I have not coped very well, I must admit..it has been hell. I lost my family, my money, and my health has been not so well. I keep telling myself that I will be all right, and hope that happens. My kids are my world, and I know I over-compensate by living my life through them, but they are all I have. Most days are long and hard, and sleep has been hard to come by. At this point, I have lost many many friends; most do not want to hear my woes, and I do not blame them. My dad says I depress him, and he rarely calls, and when he does, it is mostly critical of me. Dating has become impossible, as all I do is talk about my former life. I am not a great date. I have completely gone off anti- depressants, and sleeping pills, and have changed my diet to include lots of fish, and vitamins. I have yet to see much change, but it has only been a week since I came off my meds. I wish that I could round up some energy to go out and live, finding work has been difficult. I was a self made man, and was wealthy. I am now just a shell of that person. My best advice to all, is to try and work things out, take a vacation with or without your spouse, and realize that the grass is not greener on the other side. If you do decide to go through your divorce, save save save. Go to mediation immediately, and do not talk to your lawyers unless it it of the utmost importance. Good luck, and God speed.

Lessons Learned

  • So many...
  • 1) Try and work it out
  • 2) Separate first
  • 3) Don`t spend a lot of money
  • 4) Talk to friends about what to do
  • 5) Make a list of the good and the bad
  • 6) Don`t waste money talking with your lawyer; be quick on the phone
  • 7) Don`t bad mouth your ex to friends; it will bite you
  • 8) Fight for your kids
  • 9) Don`t date too soon
  • 10) Have a plan
  • 11) Eat well
  • 12) Exercise

What was your experience with legal process?

The legal process is a scam. They are all in cohorts with one another, lawyers, psychologists, custodials, and so forth. Go to mediation as fast as you can, don`t worry about personal goods like furniture, it is not worth much. Keep kids out of it, try and be cool, and level headed.

What was the outcome of the divorce proceeding?

My outcome was legally all right, I did get joint custody of my kids.

How is it going now?

Right now things really are not great. I never sleep, wake up 5-6 times a night. I am not in great shape, but have been trying to eat well.

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