Get Past Office Party Anxiety With These Tips

It's time to take those water cooler chats to the next level

Colleagues talking after work at a coworking

FG Trade / Getty Images

What is it about office parties that cause so much distress? For those who have social anxiety, It may be the fear of embarrassment, being judged by others, or not knowing what to say during the small talk.

Though office party anxiety can be a struggle for everyone, not just those who suffer from social anxiety. All of the previous factors can come into play when they put 100 of our colleagues in a room together.

While it's tempting to say, just relax and be yourself, we know this is easier said than done. If you're feeling particularly anxious, plan to stay only for a short time. Don't apologize about leaving; be glad you've made an appearance despite your anxiety.

On the other hand, if you're working on your anxiety but are simply weak in your social skills, this is your chance to prove to yourself that you can do it. Get out there and have some fun.

At a Glance

Office parties can feel intimidating at first, but when handled well, they are a great chance to get to know our coworkers better outside of work and potentially present ourselves in a good light to our bosses. You can take small steps like meeting new people outside our team, planning conversation topics in advance, and following up on any nice conversations you had afterward. Remember: you'll feel more accomplished leaving after an hour than backing out at the last minute, even if you're anxious!

Branch Out of Your Usual Circle

While you may not really want to meet new people, think of it this way—the more people you meet and make friends with at work, the less it will feel like work. In fact, if you can approach each stranger as a friend you haven't met, the whole room will eventually be filled with people you know. While you still may not like to make small talk, at least you can smile and nod at Carol in accounting because you've talked to her at an office party.

In this vein, try your best to

These three simple behaviors will make it easier for others to approach you and open up. If, on the other hand, you stand with your arms across your chest, you're likely to dissuade anyone from trying to talk with you.

Pick Your Conversation Partners

Often, it is easiest to join conversations that are already ongoing. It may also be easier to talk with spouses of coworkers since they may not know anyone at the party and would be grateful to have someone they can talk to.

If speaking with your superiors makes you nervous, at least shake hands and say hello so that your presence is known. Think of something in advance to say about what you're working on, and bring it up if it seems appropriate at the time. This will help you make a better impression and ease anxiety about not knowing what to say.

Do Your Homework and Plan Topics Ahead of Time

At the same time, conversation at a work party does not need to revolve solely around your work (frankly, it might be better if it doesn't!). Chances are your co-workers would appreciate taking a break from their usual grind to let loose a bit and have some fun.

  • Get to know people on a personal level.
  • Ask questions and listen to what others have to say.
  • Brush up on current events, and have a couple of jokes memorized just in case.
  • Give sincere compliments and avoid spreading office gossip.

What to Avoid

There are some things you absolutely should avoid at the office party:

  • Backing out at the last minute: Treat the party as a work function and force yourself to go even if you are anxious. If you have to leave after an hour, that's okay.
  • Avoiding everyone: If you are simply too anxious to mingle, volunteer for a job at the party to keep you busy and interact with others.
  • Drinking too much: Using alcohol as a means to cope with social anxiety is a slippery slope. If you do drink, get something to eat and alternate alcoholic drinks with non-alcoholic drinks.

Keep the Conversation Going

Continue the conversations that you started during the office party afterward to develop personal relationships with coworkers.

Immediately after the party, make some notes, including:

  • Names of spouses and children
  • Interests and hobbies
  • What they've been reading, watching, or listening to

Then, follow up with conversations or emails that show you remembered important details about others. Even just sending a link to an article that someone may be interested in shows that you were listening.

What This Means For You

It can be hard to cope with the social obligations of work when we have SAD. If your social anxiety is severe, a professional diagnosis and treatment, such as medication or cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) may be helpful.

Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

By Arlin Cuncic, MA
Arlin Cuncic, MA, is the author of "Therapy in Focus: What to Expect from CBT for Social Anxiety Disorder" and "7 Weeks to Reduce Anxiety." She has a Master's degree in psychology.