40 Questions to Build Intimacy in a Relationship

Intimacy in a marriage or partner relationship can suffer if you're busy with other responsibilities, or so caught up in the day-to-day activities of life that you simply lose track of each other and who you're each becoming. When this happens, there are a few questions for couples that couples can ask each other to help rebuild intimacy.

Studies show that communication and self-disclosure help build intimacy in marital relationships. In short, taking the time to chat with your spouse or loved one can make your bond stronger. One way to use this time effectively is by asking questions to build intimacy.

Questions to Build Intimacy

If you're feeling distant from your partner or spouse, try asking questions that can help intimacy improve. Even if you're not feeling distant, these are still good relationship-building questions that can make your partnership stronger.

When going through these questions, take the time to express your feelings and talk about your answers. You may find that the frank discussions that result will help you and your partner grow closer and get to know each other even better.

With that goal in mind, here are 40 questions for couples that can help build intimacy in your relationship:

1. If you could choose anyone in the world, living or dead, to have in our home as a dinner guest, who would you choose and why?
2. If you could choose the activities to do that would make a perfect day, what would you choose?
3. If you had a crystal ball that could tell you anything at all about your life that you don’t already know, what would you ask it to tell you?
4. What's your favorite childhood memory?
5. What are the 10 most important things on your personal bucket list?
6. When did you last cry about something and what did you cry about?
7. If you could wake up tomorrow morning with one new skill or ability, what would you choose?
8. What do you like best about our relationship?
9. What's something that you'd like to try, but that you're too scared to try?
10. If all of your friends were asked to describe you, which friend’s description would be the most accurate and why?
11. What was your favorite book (or movie) as a child and why did you like it so much?
12. What's the one thing about yourself that you would most like to change?
13. What would be your dream vacation?
14. What are three qualities you admire about yourself?
15. What are three qualities you admire about me?
16. What's one of your best memories from when we were dating?
17. What was your favorite place to go as a child and why did you love it there?
18. If you could be any character in a book (or movie), who would you choose to be?
19. If all of a sudden you knew that you had six weeks left to live, what would you want to do in the time you had left?
20. What three things in your life could you not imagine doing without?
21. Let's say that our house is on fire, but you know that our family members and pets are safe. What things would you want to rescue from the fire and why?
22. If someone gave you enough money to start a business—no strings attached—what kind of business would you want to start?
23. What are the five things that you are most thankful for right now?
24. If you could possess one artistic talent (painting, sculpture, composing music, writing, etc.), which talent would you choose and why?
25. If you could be an Olympic or professional athlete, what sport would you choose and why?
26. Do you see yourself in our kid(s)? If so, how?
27. When you were a kid, did you think about having kids yourself one day? If so, how many and what did you imagine doing with them?
28. What's one of the most adventurous things you have ever done?
29. If you could have been an eyewitness to any event in history, which one would you choose?
30. What do you dream about the most often?
31. Which of your parents do you think you're most like and why?
32. What was the first thing about me that attracted you?
33. What do you like most about your appearance?
34. Over the last five years, how do you think you have changed?
35. If you could take a year-long paid sabbatical, what would you do?
36. If you had to guess right now, what do you think our kid(s) would choose as a career someday and why?
37. When you think about the future, what do you imagine?
38. When you listen to music, do you focus on the words or the music?
39. Do you learn new skills or information best by hearing, seeing, or doing?
40. If you could plan the perfect date with me, what would that include?

Final Thoughts

Make it a point to go through one or two of these questions for couples regularly to keep the lines of communication open and help build or rebuild the intimacy you desire. The answers to the questions aren't really the point. What matters are the discussions that ensue and the time spent listening to and focusing on each other.