Have you ever considered what it means to be an intentional parent? Have you thought about what hangs in the balance? Fourteen years of parenting, reading countless books and listening to the sage of advice of many who walked the parenting path before me has taught me much. Ironically, what stands out the most is how much there is left to learn about being an effective parent and how often I still miss the mark. Hitting the mark is tough even in the best of circumstances; with work, after-school activities, help with homework and other personal demands the bulls eye looks awfully small and so far away. Maybe you can relate. One thing is clear to me — effective parenting is not something that easily comes. It takes great effort and it takes intentionality. The effort part is for another discussion, but what about intentionality?

An intentional parent is not a perfect parent; rather, it is a parent who has “mentally determined upon some action or result related to parenting.” The key is “mentally determined” since every good habit starts with a mental decision. I don't know about you, but I can't think of a single good habit I have that just happened. An intentional parent is an “on purpose” parent.

As parents, our greatest tendency is to react to our children rather than plan in advance. To complicate it even further, we acknowledge this tendency yet do little about it. What does this say about us as parents? The question we need to grapple with is why do we tend to continue down the same unintentional path? There are at least three practical reasons I have identified in my own life that make it difficult for me to be an intentional parent: vision, know-how and accountability. See if you can identify with any of them.

Our biggest obstacle starts in the mind — we simply don't take the time to contemplate what hangs in the balance. To state it another way, we really have not taken the time to understand and embrace what is gained and what is lost by investing in our children as intentional parents. Most of us would agree, upon reflection, more is to be gained by taking an intentional approach to parenting our children. So, action step number one for becoming an intentional parent is to imagine what you want your relationship to be like with your child and what his or her relationships will be like with others once your child has reached adulthood. Add to that the legacy you want to leave and you start to catch a glimpse of what hangs in the balance.

I imagine my children growing up one day and investing their lives in their own family and those around them. Can that happen if I never invest time with them? Of course, but chances are they will be more apt to do it and more effective at it if I invest in them as young children. When Emily, our now 11 year old, was younger and wanted to play Old Maid when the football game was on, my first thought was not during the game.” As I look back now, I can say some of my funniest and fondest memories were playing a simple card game like Old Maid with our girls. It is amazing what you can teach a child about life during a basic game of Old Maid.