Loss of intimacy in relationships. As the porn or sex addict immerses himself or herself in this material, he or she receives false messages about other people. Contrary to the myths of porn, the lives of healthy people do not revolve around sex. Sex is an important part of life, but it is auxiliary to families, to careers and to spirituality. The sex addict loses his or her perspective about sex as a subset of intimacy.
Tendency to act out. It is clear from the clinical research that extended exposure to pornography tends to lead an addict to act out sexually. What is kept and nurtured in the mind tends to eventually be acted out in life. Acting out can range from more porn to masturbation to introducing sex acts from porn into your marriage relationship to having an affair.
Escalation. As with any addiction, what used to satisfy the user no longer brings him or her the rush they experienced before. The desire for the same rush tends to lead to escalation. An addiction to soft-core leads to hard-core, and hard-core to real life experience in strip clubs or with prostitutes, or with a co-worker or friend. The addiction can also move into harder core porn such as bestiality, sado-masochism and violence.
The Messages Sent. An addiction to porn sends some very hard messages to our spouses. "Wasn't I good enough for you?" is a common feeling among addicts' spouses. "I feel so lonely and betrayed" is a response to the loss of intimacy and the violation of trust. Many spouses feel that sex addiction is as much a violation as an affair would be.
