Don't Procrastinate. The sooner you begin talking about these issues, the more time there is to understand and react. Waiting until there is a crisis is a common, but unproductive, way of dealing with aging issues.
Be Sensitive. Dealing with these issues is important, but it can be a little overwhelming for your parents. Talking about long-term issues can be stressful-it acknowledges their mortality. So don't let yourself become an interrogator. Work through the issues carefully.
Start with Open Ended Questions. Rather than asking questions like, "How much does your pension provide if you are in a rest home?" try something more open like, "What do you still want to accomplish?" It is important to establish communications early and to be sure you understand before you start taking action.
Break It Up. Don't expect to deal with all the issues and questions in one sitting. Take the time to cover all the important areas without overwhelming your parents. It will also help you see interrelationships among issues if you take them in smaller bites with some time between to review and assimilate the information.
Don't Bring Up The Painful Past. In many families, there are unresolved issues between parents and their adult children. This is not the time to seek either retribution or reconciliation.
Consider Mediation. If you are having a tough time broaching the subject or getting a response from your parents, you may want to look at getting outside help. A trusted third party such as an attorney, a close mutual friend, a social worker, a physician or a family therapist may be a good place to start. You may also want to check out the growing group of "family life educators" who specialize in issues like this.
Considering the vital importance of these issues for families, dads need to take the lead in dealing with the inevitably aging of their parents and the attendant consequences. Talking about the issues before a crisis looms ahead is an important first step in making the needed preparations for providing care for your aging parents. Your own family, as well as your parents' family, will appreciate your involvement and approach as you sensitively deal with these important issues.
