From Wayne Parker,
Your Guide to Fatherhood.
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War is a topic of conversation nearly everywhere you go these days. Children will hear these conversations. Talking to children about the fears and uncertainties of what might happen if, or when, war actually occurs is extremely difficult and extremely important.

Very young children may not be able to tell the difference between fictional violence they see on TV all the time, and real violence related to war and terrorism. They may hear unfamiliar terms and names. They may confuse Afghanistan and Iraq, or Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein.

In addition, young children don't understand the politics about war, and may be puzzled when they hear some people are against the war and some support it. They may also wonder about talk related to religion, and not understand what religion has to do with war.

Older children may understand more of the realities about war, and be very afraid of the consequences. They may also be more interested in the politics, and might even want to get involved themselves.

At any age, children's fears will be greater if they have a parent in active military duty. This is very difficult because the danger really is great.

Children might express their fears directly and ask a lot of questions. Or their fears may show up in ways that are less obvious, such as sleeping problems, difficulty concentrating, depression, general crabbiness, restlessness or regression in their developmental behavior, such as wetting the bed or throwing tantrums when they have ordinarily not been doing these things. Pay attention when children's actions seem out of the ordinary, and encourage them to talk.

How can parents help their children with their concerns, fears and worries about war?

• Encourage children of all ages to ask questions and talk with you about their concerns. Listen carefully and answer their questions in language that is appropriate for their age. Try not to burden them with too much information before they are ready. Reassure them that you, other adults, their schools and their country are takings steps to keep them safe. Be prepared to repeat your conversations or explanations. In addition to not understanding the complexities of war, children may find reassurance in simply asking questions and receiving answers over and over.

• Limit media exposure to war issues. While it is unrealistic to completely shield children from the news, limiting the amount can help children and adults avoid being overwhelmed. Watch how children react to the news, and talk with them about it.

• Don't dismiss their fears. As a adult, you're probably a bit fearful yourself. There's a lot of power in simply giving a child a hug, and saying, "I know this is scary. I'm glad we're here together."

• If a parent is serving in the war, do everything possible to maintain contact (phone calls, e-mail, letters, sending video-taped bedtime stories - whatever the circumstances allow). The military has made great efforts to help parents in the service do these things.

It's a hard time for children and adults. In responding to war concerns, children will follow the examples set by adults around them, especially their parents. When adults act worried and frightened, children will be too. While it's important that adults not hide the realities of war, keeping a calm attitude will help children remain calm as well.