When children resist doing something you ask, or they do something other than your instructions, rather than force your request on them, offer choices for their behavior. Having some say about how they do things lowers their resistance. For example,

• Children often resist help. If there is a concern for their safety while walking down the stairs, then give them the choice of how to walk down the stairs: "Would you like to hold the handrail or hold my hand?" They don't have the choice to do it alone.
• Children don't have a choice about taking medicine when they are ill, but they can have the choice of how they will take it. "Would you like to take it from a spoon or from a dropper?" Or, "Would you like to take it with water or with juice?"
• On a cold day children do not have the choice to go outside without a jacket. You can, though, give them the choice of how they will get the jacket on. "Would you like to put your jacket on by yourself, or would you like help?"

Giving choices is important, because making choices cultivates individuality and self-reliance. Only while making choices can children exercise their human faculties of perception, judgment, discriminative feeling, mental activity and even moral preference. When you offer choices, you are honoring the child's needs and innocence, which ultimately helps them develop self-confidence and build their self-esteem.

Building Their Future Today

One of the most powerful desires of a child is to belong. When you follow these three principles of respectful discipline, you teach children preferred manners and customs. In addition, they learn friendly communication skills that are sensitive to democratic rights. They also learn altruistic forms of behavior such as, helping, sharing and giving through modeled interactions with parents and other adults. These skills enable children to build the friendships they desire and help them develop into respectful young adults. With these principles you may someday read about your children in the news, but it will be for their acts of kindness, not their acts of violence.

About the Author: Dawn Fry is the founder and CEO of Helping Our Children Productions, a publishing company that provides educational CDs giving practical help to parents and childcare providers resulting in happier, friendlier children. Ms. Fry has been a licensed childcare provider and educator for twenty-two years. She has more than 60,000 hours of professional experience working with children.