The Bottom Line
- An easy quick read but requires careful thought and introspection
- The workbook style of the book helps you personalize the experience
- Demands a lot of introspection which may be challenging and painful
- Written from a woman's point of view, though the principles are universal
- How to Stop Hating Your Ex is a very helpful book to help divorced dads move on with life and parenting after the breakup.
- The book will require some careful thought and reflection, which while painful, is necessary to eventually find peace.
- While written from a woman's point of view, the book includes principles and ideas that will be helpful in co-parenting.
Guide Review - How to Stop Hating Your Ex So You Can Co-Parent in Peace
Her ex was a boyfriend who left the relationship shortly after she announced her unplanned pregnancy. Her ex is, however, a committed dad who loves his daughter and fulfills his responsibilities there, but has moved on from the relationship with his daughter's mom.
Her situation, while painful for sure, is clearly simpler than many breakups. No assets to haggle over, no children who remember happier days. But even with that limitation, the process she guides readers through in How to Stop Hating Your Ex is incredible in its depth and reach. She takes the reader through experiences in remembering, thinking and writing that will help define, clarify and put the experience into perspective.
Her emphasis is on changing the reader, not the ex, so the workbook forces the reader to focus on himself or herself, not on external influences like the ex or others. Expect to deal with such introspective issues as what you contribute to the relationship's negativity, forgiving your ex and yourself, and finding positive lessons in the experience, however painful.
Finally, the book offers perspective, strategies, and tools for dealing with co-parenting issues. She offers some excellent thoughts on communication, expectations, record-keeping and the like that will help any co-parenting couple.
It really is all about the kids, according to Ashton. I appreciated that approach because it aligns with my experience as well. So often co-parents poison their children against the other parent, whether intentional or inadvertent. Ashton's approach forces the reader to carefully examine attitudes and motives and to commit to, whenever possible, a more positive, loving and cooperative approach.
The book is written entirely from a woman's point of view, and it took me some time to get past that. But the principles are still true and valid regardless of gender.
For any divorced father who needs some help getting past the past and putting the kids first in this new co-parenting relationship, How to Stop Hating Your Ex So You Can Co-Parent in Peace is a good read and will offer help, perspective and healing as he works through this important transition in his life and in the life of his family.