From Wayne Parker,
Your Guide to Fatherhood.
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So, your daughter is getting married. Well, congratulations and welcome to the exclusive group of soon-to-be fathers in law. Having a daughter get married can be a little traumatic. After all, some young man is taking your place as the most important male in your daughter's life. And it is an important rite of passage for you, your partner, your daughter and her fiancé.

So, what do you need to do when your daughter shows up with a diamond and a beau? What is the role of the father of the bride?

Your role is exactly what your daughter and her mother decide it will be, right? Not necessarily, but that may be close. Fathers sometimes feel a little like a fifth wheel through the wedding planning process. But if you stay involved, keep communications flowing, and keep committed to making the experience positive, it will be.

Dad Pays

For many families, it is assumed that mom and the bride will make all the key decisions and dad will keep the cash flowing. In fact, one of my friends recently confided that his role in the wedding planning was to be a "living and breathing cash machine."

To a large extent, the financial side of the wedding often falls to dad. But family resources can be really stretched if there is not some good planning and some restraint. Some of the tips from dads who have been there include the following.

Set a Budget. Frequently, your daughter will not want to be bothered with a wedding budget, but this is an essential early step in the process. Determine what your resources will allow. Realize that this is an important family event, but a second mortgage on your home may not be the best way to celebrate it. And it is a good lesson for a new couple to learn to need to say no to some things in order to enjoy others.

Consider Alternatives. One couple I know offered to buy their musically talented daughter and her fiancé a new piano and host a modest wedding open house at their home. Sometimes dads will offer to pay for a honeymoon or a car in exchange for more reasonable wedding plans. Offering a choice to the new couple can help bring expectations down to reality.

Timing Is Important. You don't have to pay for all the wedding expenses at once. Pace yourself through the engagement period. Pay deposits on the wedding facility, the dress, the catering and the entertainment, but don't pay the whole bill until you are ready. Taking your budget and dividing it by the number of paychecks you will receive between now and the wedding will lessen the bite on your monthly finances.