Sam and Jenny have a dilemma. While their interfaith marriage has worked well, their first son Benjamin was born last February. Before the baby, the holidays were a time of each of them meeting their needs. Sam celebrated Hanukkah and attended celebrations at the temple. Jenny celebrated Christmas and attended Midnight Mass. They visited with both families-Sam's for the Celebration of Lights and Jenny's on Christmas Day. But things seem a little different and more challenging for them this year-little Ben's role as son and grandson and nephew and cousin has added a new wrinkle for which they were not prepared.
What do they do about Santa? Ben is 10 months old and will soon be aware of the magical world of Christmas at the mall and at Grandpa and Grandma's house. But he will also experience the menorah and the dreidel at his other grandparents. Do Sam and Jenny have to choose? How will they decide? Or can they build holiday traditions that incorporate both Christmas and Hanukkah?
Jenny and Sam are facing a challenge that most interfaith families understand. Whether it is a question of celebrating Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Yule or Ramadan, the interfaith family struggles with the issue. And having in laws who may or may not understand or appreciate the conflict can add fuel to the fire.
What Are the Options?
There is a wide variety of opinion about how interfaith families should address the question of celebrating religious and secular holidays during the November and December time frame. Must a family choose to honor one religious holiday to the exclusion of others? How does a family decide which to choose? What about honoring and celebrating all the holidays to which a family is inclined? And what does it do to children to be placed in a situation of choosing to honor one parent's tradition and ignore the other's?Is it possible to celebrate and honor more than one religious holiday? The answer seems to be yes. However, in so saying, it is important that this choice be made intelligently, sensitively and with lots of communication. A father or mother brought up in a Jewish faith may be totally unmoved by the local community light display that means so much to his or her Christian partner. And the Christian partner may see little use for the Hebrew songs that are associated with Hanukkah. But for the sake of unity, both must agree to celebrate both holidays.
Should a family choose one to the exclusion of others? Child development specialists disagree on this point. Many argue that an interfaith family should adopt one or the other faiths for the advantages of solidarity and to avoid confusing children. And yet there is example after example of marriages that survive the view that compromise is the best.
There is probably no one best answer that fits all families. It is a decision that the family must make, using lots of open communication and seeking to find a solution with which all can agree.
More about celebrating holidays in an interfaith family.
