As we were heading to the airport in San Diego to return home, my cell phone rang and it was our neighbor. She said, "You might be interested to know that I stopped by the house this morning and your daughter (age 15 at the time) was in the front yard using a chain saw to cut down a large evergreen bush in the front yard." Before leaving, we started a little landscaping project and had begun removing some older junipers from our yard, and our daughter wanted to surprise us with more of the work done when we got home.
The neighbor said, "If your kids want to use chain saws while you are gone, then don't leave me with medical authority next time." She was right of course; we never thought to tell our kids that using a chain saw while we were out of town was a bad idea.
Obviously, we should have given more thorough instructions to our kids. And it was a good thing that our daughter didn't sever a limb or have another such accident while she was supervised only by our 18 year old son who was inside reading at the time.
So how does a dad know when it is safe to leave the kids without a babysitter, for an evening or for a weekend out of town?
The answer is one that is not clear cut. There are a number of factors that you need to take into account before leaving the kids without direct adult supervision or without a mature babysitter. Here are a number of questions that you should ask to gauge whether it is safe to leave the kids alone.
How does your oldest child handle emergencies? Does she freak out at an unexpected event? Is she frustrated easily when things don't go as planned? Or does she make good judgments in the face of the unanticipated? The more reliable she is with emergencies, the more confidence you should have in her ability to manage the family alone.
How closely do your children follow rules? Do they abide by curfews regularly? Do they stay away from video games or Internet sites that are forbidden, whether you are watching or not? Do they follow your family structure around homework? If there are to be no visitors, do they honor your wishes? If so, they are more likely to be ready to be left home alone. If not, they are likely to rebel even more when you are away and likely need more supervision.
How safe is your neighborhood? Do you worry about some of the people who live nearby or are your neighbors safe and reliable? Again, the safer the environment, the more likely the kids are to be OK while you are gone.
Are there state or local laws that set age limits? Some states like Missouri, Oregon and Illinois have specific state laws defining the age of a caregiver when parents are not home. Find out what your state specifically allows. You can do a search on your state's web site or you can call your local Child Protective Services office and ask.
Is your home childproof? You need to make sure that dangerous chemicals and medications are locked and out or reach. Lock up or remove any alcoholic beverages and tobacco products. Any firearms should also be locked up or removed from the home while you are away.
How long will you be gone? If you are just heading out for some errands and will be relatively close by, you can tolerate a little more risk with the kids than you can if you are going out of town for a weekend or a few days. If you will be gone late (after dark) but only for the evening, you may want an older child or a neighbor on call. Certainly if you are out of town, make sure that there is a responsible adult in the home. You may want to consider hiring a young couple without children or with only one baby to live at your place while you are gone.
In any case, the safety of your children is always paramount. If you feel uncomfortable leaving them at home alone, there is probably a good reason. Use these questions to help you and your children find their comfort zone before you make the decision to leave them home alone.
