Statistics, studies and your own gut feel tell you that family should come first. But what happens when a dad lets other things take priority? And how can you keep family first and still balance the other competing demands in your life.
In 1996, the Gallup Organization conducted an opinion poll called "Fathers in America." This poll was one of the most comprehensive ever looking at attitudes of and about fathers and their roles in society. Some of the most interesting results of the poll are summarized below:
- In response to the statement, "The most significant family, or social problem facing America is the physical absence of the father from the home, " 79.1% of poll respondents agreed or strongly agreed with the statement.
- In response to the statement, "It's important for children to live in a home with both their mother and father," 90.9% of respondents agreed.
- 54% of respondents felt that most fathers did not know what was going on in their children's lives.
- When fathers were asked about their relationship with their employers, 61.1% of them felt they would be more productive at work if their employers implemented more family friendly policies.
Being a great dad is all about balance. It is about balancing time and priorities so your family really does come first. It is about keeping the other aspects of your life (work and personal) at their appropriate levels. And it is about giving your children a well-rounded family experience with appropriate amounts of fun, work, service and values.
Great Dads Have A Plan. So many dads I know just move from day to day trying to work through what the day brings. But Super Dads create a fathering plan that allows them to focus on that which is most important. For example, with my demanding professional schedule, if I didn't plan family vacations about a year ahead, we would never have one. Planning involves examining values, setting meaningful family goals and then acting on those goals with a calendar in hand.
Great Dads Take Time to Teach. Fathers need to understand that one of their most important missions is to help their children learn timeless values. Dads need to teach the value of personal responsibility, of work, of family commitment, of honesty, of faith, and of service. Children need to learn the hallmarks of a happy life, and fathers play an important role there.
Great Dads Make Time for Family. One of the important things we have done in our family is to set aside one evening per week that is just ours, and that is not violated by other demands on our time. Wise fathers will recognize that "quality time" is not enough if there isn't at least some "quantity time."
Great Dads Make One on One Time. While you can build positive memories and experiences with family activities, true relationships are built with your children one at a time. Make sure you don't neglect that one-on-one focus. These can include fun activities as well as personal "interviews" with your children.
Great Dads Take Care of Themselves. You can't afford to neglect your personal needs and have something to give your children. Dr. Stephen Covey uses the example of taking time to "sharpen the saw" rather than continually sawing with a dull saw. Making sure you eat right, get some exercise, see your doctor and dentist periodically and have a rich spiritual life are all important components.
Great Dads Emphasize Relationships. If you are still married to your children's mom, you must nurture your relationship with her. I have always believed counsel I heard early in my life that "the best single thing you can do for your children is to love their mother." If you are not married to your children's mom, you still understand that personal relationships are critical to a happy life. Whether with your children, your friends, or your significant other, don't neglect relationships. And help your children see that value in their lives as well.
What to do this week:
- Define your important roles and goals as a father
- Set up a calendar and set aside time for your family
- Have at least 30 minutes alone with one member of your family
- Decide what your most important "saw sharpening" need is this week and do it at least once
