Imagine a child who lacks ownership of his own life, has no self-control, and lacks respect for others. If these were the qualities of your son, how would you feel for his future wives?
Yes, wives is plural, this is one major reason we need to set boundaries for our children – their future. One study showed that children born recently on average will have more spouses than kids. Here are a few examples of children who lack boundaries:
- Little Johnny walks right into his parent’s bedroom whenever he wants. It does not matter if the door was open or closed.
- Twelve year-old Steve frequently changes the channel on the television.
It does not matter if anyone was watching a show or not.
- Susie blames others for her mistakes. It always seems to be her
teacher’s fault, brother’s fault, or a friend’s fault when something does
not go right.
- Marie is uncomfortable with how her boyfriend treats her and pressures her for sex. She keeps dating him because she questions who else would want to date her.
Without boundaries children will have problems in relationships, school, and life. Many times addictive behavior can be traced to lack of boundaries. Here are a few results that can occur:
- Children can have controlling behavior
- Children can be motivated by guilt or anger.
- Without firm boundaries children are more likely to follow their peer group. For example, making unwise choices on sex, drinking, or driving.
- Children do not own their own behavior or consequences, which can lead to a life of turmoil.
- Children may allow others to think for them.
- They may allow someone else to define what his or her abilities will be. This denies their maximum potential.
- When someone has weak boundaries they pick up other’s feelings.
- Weak boundaries may make it hard to tell where we end and another person begins.
