In the last 40 years in America, over 40 million children have been the victims of divorce. Every state in the United States has adopted what have become known as no-fault divorce laws that many believe have been the cause of more divorces than necessary.
A group has formed called the Coalition for Divorce Reform that is a group of marriage educators, domestic violence experts, scholars and concerned citizens working to reduce unnecessary divorce and promote healthy marriages. Chaired by former Health and Human Services executive Chris Gersten and with author and legal expert Beverly Willett as the advisory committee chair, the Coalition is promoting what they call the Parental Divorce Reduction Act, requiring steps prior to divorce including classes, intervention and "cooling off" periods. Exceptions are made in the case of abuse, abandonment, incarceration and substance abuse circumstances.
In The Huffington Post last week, Chris Gersten said, "The breakdown of the traditional family is the social equivalent of the national debt as a crisis in America ... We need to overcome cultural influences that encourage divorce by making it so easy."
While I know many readers will oppose additional barriers to divorce, I think it has become too easy from a legal and process standpoint to dissolve marriages where children are involved. Early intervention and building marriage and relationships skills are critical to family success. It is when the little things become the big things that divorce sometimes becomes the only option. But if you can't act early enough, people should stop and think carefully and explore all other options fully before taking the final steps. Almost every divorced dad I know wishes he had done more to save his marriage rather than enduring the pain of divorce.
More on strengthening marriage:
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- Rebuilding a family after an affair
- Renewing marriage and fatherhood
- When do I need a family counselor?
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The United States has the highest divorce rate in the world. That is because we have made divorce as easy as getting a driver’s license and destigmatized divorce.
But the million children who are victims of divorce every year page a huge price. The newest research demonstrates that children of divorce actually have a lifespan FIVE years shorter than children who are not the victims of divorce. *(the Longevity Project)
Our proposal is that all couples who have minor children, where there is no domestic violence involved, must take skills building classes of at least four hours and at least two hours of online supplements. These classes, “divorce reduction education” will be provided by marriage educators who are approved by the secretary of the state department of human services and must be research bases, bi-lingual, and have online modules to supplement the skills building classes. All these classes must be taken before a couple can file for divorce. After the classes, the couple must wait 8 months, a period of reflection and reconciliation, before they can file. Each state will pass legislation that varies slightly. But the key principal is to slow down unnecessary divorce and protect the children who are real victims. Chris Gersten, Chair, Coalition for Divorce Reform
To learn more about proposed divorce reform legislation and read the posts from our ten bloggers, visit http://www.divorcereform.info
Making it difficult to divorce is about as effective as the War on Drugs…a waste of time and money.
Classes will not help a flawed marriage…a period of reflection…are you kidding me. Trying to force two people to stay together who really want to part will only increase domestic violence and expose any chidren involved to much more stress and abuse.
Now start giving these young men and women advice on how to chose a mate to marry would be worth the time and money. Education on the responsibilties of marriage and the sacrifices , commitment to each other and the roles each should play. Make these type of classes mandatory for a couple to obtain a license to wed…make it a mandatory part of the license process.
By the time any couple gets to the point that divorce is even thought of as an option…they have destroyed the most important part of a marriage…passion is lost…romance is gone and staying together b/c of the children will not be enough to compensate.
Mojo, you make some valid points. Instruction in relationship and marriage dynamics is crucial!
However, my parents, who just celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary, at one point seriously considered divorce. However, they sought help and worked it out, and now their marriage is stronger than ever. So it is possible, with work and reflection, to save a marriage.